The Recipes
Every one rated on the Tart Scale. Every one with an escape plan.
These are not "easy weeknight dinners" written by someone with a sous chef. These are recipes for people who own one pan and a lot of self-doubt. Start at one tart (🥧 hopeless-proof) and work your way up to three (concentration required, phone away, love).
Not sure what you can make with what's in the fridge? Ask the fridge machine.
Breakfast
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Proper Toast
Walk before you run, darling. Then butter the walk.
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Scrambled Eggs for the Scrambled
Low, slow, and no milk — we are not animals.
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The Six-Minute Egg (with Soldiers)
Timing is everything, darling. Ask any of my ex-husbands.
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Banana Pancakes for Showing Off
For when someone stays for breakfast and you'd like them to again.
Lunch
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Beans on Toast, Elevated Slightly
A British institution, given a light dusting of ambition.
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The Cheese Toastie
Hot, golden, and a little bit filthy with butter — just how we like it.
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The Jacket Potato
An hour of doing absolutely nothing, rewarded with crispy-skinned glory.
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The Quesadilla: A Folded Triumph
One tortilla, folded like a love letter and twice as satisfying.
Dinner
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Red Sauce Pasta
The little black dress of dinners, darling.
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Egg Fried Rice (Leftover Rice's Redemption)
Yesterday's rice, tonight's triumph.
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One-Pan Mince That Feeds You for Days
Cook once, dine like royalty until Thursday.
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Stovetop Mac & Cheese
Comfort in a pot, no roux required, no judgement either.
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The Chicken Traybake
One tray. One oven. Zero excuses, sunshine.
Sweets
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Emergency Chocolate Mug Cake
Ninety seconds between you and redemption, darling.
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Eton Mess (A Beautiful Disaster)
The only dessert that improves the worse it looks.
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Three-Ingredient Peanut Butter Cookies
Three ingredients. One bowl. Zero excuses, sunshine.