A cooking site for people who can't cook — yet.

Tart School

Eight lessons. No prerequisites. Not even self-respect.

Doris Crumpet presenting a plate of spaghetti

A word from the headmistress

"Take them in order, sugar. I know lesson one is 'boiling water' and you think you're above it. The last student who thought that set off two smoke alarms and a group chat. In order, please."

  1. Lesson 1: Boiling Water Without Incident

    Yes, it's a real skill. No, you can't skip it.

    5 minute read

  2. Lesson 2: Hold the Knife, Not the Blade

    All fingers present and accounted for, please.

    6 minute read

  3. Lesson 3: Read the Recipe First (Yes, All of It)

    Surprises belong in parcels, not saucepans.

    5 minute read

  4. Lesson 4: The Hob Is Not an On/Off Switch

    Maximum heat is not maximum flavor, sunshine.

    6 minute read

  5. Lesson 5: Salt: A Love Story

    The difference between bland and brilliant is a pinch, darling.

    6 minute read

  6. Lesson 6: Get It Together: Mise en Place

    French for 'stop chopping onions while the garlic burns.'

    5 minute read

  7. Lesson 7: Taste As You Go (Don't Be a Coward)

    The spoon is right there, darling. Use it.

    5 minute read

  8. Lesson 8: Wash Up, Buttercup

    A sink full of regret is not a garnish.

    5 minute read