Kit You Actually Need
Put the avocado slicer down, sugar.
Hello, treasure. Before you spend a week’s wages in a kitchen shop because a man on television told you that you need a blowtorch, sit down and listen to Doris. You need about ten things. Ten. Everything else is a gadget company preying on the hopeless, and while I adore the hopeless — you’re my people — I won’t have you fleeced.
None of this needs to be expensive. A charity shop, a supermarket own-brand aisle, or a raid on your mother’s cupboards will kit you out for less than the price of one “artisan” spiralizer.
The Honest Ten (and a Bit)
| Kit | Why you need it |
|---|---|
| One good knife (a chef’s knife, roughly 20 cm / 8 inches) | One sharp knife does the work of an entire knife block, and a sharp knife is safer than a dull one — dull blades slip, sharp blades behave. |
| A chopping board | Because chopping directly on the counter ruins the counter, the knife, and your deposit, in that order. Wood or plastic, big enough to actually work on. |
| One frying pan (about 24–28 cm / 10–11 inches, non-stick to start) | This is where eggs, mince, pancakes, and most of your early triumphs happen. Non-stick forgives a beginner’s sins. |
| One saucepan (medium, about 2 litres / 2 quarts, with a lid) | Pasta, rice, soup, beans, boiled eggs — half of cooking is “put it in the saucepan.” The lid matters; steam is free heat. |
| A baking tray (a rimmed sheet pan) | Oven chips, roast veg, traybakes, biscuits. The rim stops hot fat sliding onto your slippers. |
| A wooden spoon | Stirs everything, scratches nothing, and doubles as a gavel when your flatmates question your methods. |
| A spatula (a thin flexible one for flipping) | For turning eggs and pancakes without the heartbreak of tearing them. |
| A colander | Draining pasta over the sink with a saucepan lid is how tarts get steam burns. Two pounds. Buy the colander. |
| Measuring spoons and a measuring cup (or jug) | Beginners rarely own scales, and that’s fine — spoons and cups keep your baking from becoming abstract art. |
| An oven glove (or two) | A folded tea towel works until the day it doesn’t. Your hands are the most important kit you own; insure them. |
That’s the lot. A tin opener and a box grater are worthy honorable mentions once you’re stocking cans and cheese — a pound or two each, no ceremony required.
Kit You Absolutely Do Not Need
Now, darling, the fun part. The gadget industry believes you are one plastic doodad away from competence. It is lying to you with a straight face.
- The avocado slicer. You own a knife and a spoon. Congratulations — you own an avocado slicer.
- The egg cuber. A device that presses a boiled egg into a cube, answering a question nobody sober has ever asked.
- The banana case. A plastic sarcophagus for a fruit that arrives in its own packaging. Nature did this one already, love.
- The garlic rocker, strawberry huller, herb scissors, and pineapple corer. Each one is a knife with delusions of grandeur.
- Anything sold as “as seen on TV.” If it were any good, it would be sold as “seen in kitchens.”
The rule: if a gadget does exactly one job, and that job can be done by a knife, a spoon, or your own two hands, it exists to clutter your drawer and shame you every time you open it.
Doris Says
Buy ten honest things and learn to love them, buttercup. A good tart doesn’t need a drawer full of gadgets — just a sharp knife and the nerve to use it.